Life seems to be pretty good.. I do not have really any complaints on it nor should I... But my heart keeps pounding in my chest as I keep sinking into the pit... I feel this cloud radiating off of me... everything I do feels pointless.. I feel like I am always messing up... I just dont feel happy...
I have loved before... and each have been wonderful people and helped me through some hard times...
I am not a very mentally put together person... and two of the people that I loved...have had to experience several of my many break downs... one of whom.. pulled me out of the water when I tried to drowned myself... and the other saw me slit my wrist... so why is it that I pushed both of them away and still desire the one from a far... it would make since I would want to be with the one that has been there when I was determined to die... why must I always push people away.... I mean I understand pushing certain people away.. but why the people that I fell for... why is there only a months span of time on my relationships... am I destine to be alone...
Loneliness creeping in... even in a crowd I feel so alone...those that were once near grow so far away.. kindling this silence.... these feeling just will not leave....silently masked as I break down inside... is this how you wish me to be... In the end you all leave... and I am stuck here frozen in this misery... My mood: extremely depressed
Previous PostsFeeling..?, posted November 18th, 2012
Thinking..., posted January 10th, 2011
Misery..., posted December 27th, 2010
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